Progressive. Queer. Feminist. Opinionated.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Bill O'Reilly + Rick Santorum = OMG OTP!!!!1!

Clearly the answer is that these two need to get together with a nice bottle of wine, a good date movie, and each of their respective animal lovers (Or in O'Reilly's case his goat and his duck...).

Yes, Bill O'Reilly has made yet another reference to gay sex equaling bestiality. This is just another little gem to add to the list of idiotic conservative hyperbolic diarrhea-of-the-mouth points. Criminy.

No, no I'm not kidding (that part comes later).

Look!

...that's what this gay marriage thing is all about. But now, you know, the poly-amorphous marriage, whatever they call it, you can marry 18 people, you can marry a duck...


Flagrant asshattery if I ever saw it.

A few points of special notice.

1.) How would one consumate one's marriage with said duck? I just don't see how!

2.) Why a duck? Can't we at least stick to mammals? How about something that could fight back at least. If there's going to be an animal being buggered (Or buggering), at least make it something that could fight back. (Think back, if you will, to a man and his beloved horse...)

3.) Bill, Bill, Bill. If you would look up from you falafel for just one minute every couple of weeks, though tasty and filled with delicious cucumber sauce it may be, I think you would realize that "poly-amorphous marriage" is (unless I'm seriously out of the loop) totally not the phrase you're looking for. From the context (removing the reference to your Beloved Mr. Ducky-kins) you've thoughtfully provided, I've figured out that you meant Polyamorous marriage. Fire your teleprompter's copy editor please.

But, even aside from the asshattery, Billy "Falafel King" O'Reilly should really have a date with Rick Santorum. Why? So they (Along with Leather Daddy, Rick's big ol' Pit Bull puppy muffin of love [whom he occasionally calls Cowboy or George in moments of passion], Mr. Ducky-kins, and Mr. Binky the Goat) and they can finally find someone to share their respective animal fetishes.

Of course the evening will probably end abruptly when Leather Daddy eats Mr. Ducky-kins and Mr. Binky eats all of the lube.

For more on Santorum and his canine fetish, check out this post on Think Progress.

EDIT: I just realized something else that adds an extra amount of hilarity. Bush is a Lame Duck President! Is Mr. Ducky-kins George W. in disguised? Stay tuned to "That's Bullshit and I Hate That!" with Bob Novak to find out.

2 Comments:

Blogger Harper said...

*cracks up*

2:51 AM

 
Anonymous Wherdragon said...

Maybe he really meant "polyamorphus", thinking that it would mean something like "lots of people and no structure". Actually, it would mean "many without shape". My mental picture is lots of amoebae.

Why do you hate the amoebae, Bill?

Seriously, though, why the continual connection? People, with power of consent and speech, versus animals, who can not give consent. Even if you think they're both mortal sins, you should be able to grasp the difference.

Idiots.

8:58 AM

 

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